How to Make Lemonade

I've been thinking back on this time 3 years ago, and how Matt and I had come to the end of our rope. My body was so tired from trying to get pregnant. I had spent close to two years focused on what my body was not able to do. We had also just lost a close family member to cancer. It was a tough Christmas. In the midst of that season, I felt myself coming to a new place. I realized the only way to move forward was to start focusing on what my body could do.

       If I could tell anyone walking through infertility one thing, it would be this: above what you are currently experiencing, value your body and soul. You've only been given one shot at this life! Even if you don't feel like it, eat healthy foods, get some exercise that you enjoy, take care of your skin and hair, get in a self defense class or other physically challenging activity. Christian yoga and meditation have continued to be a lifeline for me. I love the youtube videos by Morgan Day Cecil. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2InnDVZX2OIEO2WV0uLNIw

        Dare I say it, attempt to regain intimacy with your spouse. This is an area where couples feel so beaten down, so you will really need to work on it. Take care of yourself like you would a best friend.

       You need to grieve what's been lost, that is only healthy and natural. In truth, I'm still a little sad sometimes when I think about what I haven't experienced. Over those months between September and January when we ended fertility treatments and started looking at adoption agencies, I was a mess of emotions. I was so mad/sad/confused that I know I was hard to listen to, but my closest friends and family did. They hung in there with me. Their listening ears helped me grieve the way I needed to. 

    

       God led Matt and I all the way through. He put a fire in our hearts to pursue our child through adoption, and there was no stopping us! I am so happy I processed through infertility the way I did before welcoming Jonah into our home. He needed a mama that could love him the way he deserved. I needed to learn self care so I could care for him with my whole heart.

       I've loved reading other's blogs that have walked the path of infertility. God puts broken people back together, and I feel like I'm part of a strong community because of their openness. Solidarity has been key for me.  I hope this little piece of advice can give someone else a tool to work their way out of the sadness and disappointment. 

The show This Is Us has touched my heart on so many levels. I'll leave you with this quote from their first episode.“There’s no lemon so sour that you can’t make something resembling lemonade.” Let this be true for you like it has been for me.

With you,

Kristin

The Blessed Ones

     

        Jonah is 22 months old now, and we are approaching the anniversary of his adoption. Milestones always get me to thinking. What have our experiences as a family been like over this past year? How are we adjusting to being an unconventional family? Most of the time I feel like we approach our days with confidence and encounter only kind, polite strangers. I genuinely love where we live, and I am so thankful we ended up in a diverse neighborhood that also has a sense of unity.
       One of the only comments that have been surprising is how often we are told, "He is so lucky (to have been adopted)!" Interestingly, several times this has come from individuals who were adopted themselves or have adopted children. Let me tell you, this is the absolute opposite of how we feel. The idea of someone thinking of Jonah as a victim makes me cringe. I understand that no one ever has ill intent when they speak it, but it's still painful to hear, especially when I think they might still be saying it when Jonah is old enough to understand.
       For anyone who actually knows our story, they know that Matt and I are the lucky ones, if you even believe luck had anything to do with it. God is the only one that could orchestrate every little piece of the puzzle that it took for Jonah to end up permanently in our home. Even if Jonah's birth mother hadn't decided to place with us after taking him home, a battle was already won for Jonah's life when his birth mother decided to carry him when so many were encouraging her to have an abortion. He would have had my prayers for the rest of my life, and I've felt God reassure me that those prayers would not have been lifted up in vain. I believe God had a big plan for our boy, even if he didn't end up in our home. So, as you can see, we are the blessed ones.
      We get to watch him grow, we get to be delighted by his every gesture and word, we were given the privilege of raising the child his birth mother was strong enough to carry to term and give birth to, and to take excellent care of for 11 days, until she felt God leading her to place with us. Jonah is a victor, "He is the head and not the tail, above and not beneath," (Deuteronomy 28:13)
       So this is what I will continue to tell him, as he grows and begins to understand the well intended words of strangers. Next month on the 16th, we won't celebrate "Gotcha Day", as some like to call it. We will remember God's completed work, and send love and thanks to Jonah's birth family. Our boy was not rescued, God rescued us by bringing Jonah.

Love,
Kristin

The Rest of Our Adoption Story

                I’ve realized as we begin a new year, it’s time to share the rest of our adoption story. It should be obvious to most people that follow me on social media that I don’t like to share the hard things on a large scale. It was hard for Matt and I to realize we needed to start blogging about our experience with infertility and our road to adopting Jonah. As much as I dislike “going there”, the story doesn’t end with Jonah’s placement.

                It took us ten months to finalize his adoption. I won’t go into all of the details of why this was such a long ordeal, but I will summarize by saying that it mostly had to do with Jonah’s birthfather and his refusal to consent. We ran the gamut of emotions over this. We knew because of his lack of support of Jonah’s birthmother that his rights would be terminated against his will if it came to that, but we were trying to avoid that road if we could.

                When we were called and told about Jonah’s birthmother’s situation, I felt God clearly tell me about his birthfather, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this!” I held on tight to those words for many months, and felt drawn to pray that Jonah’s birthfather would consent so that we would be able to have a connection with him and he would be able to receive updates and pictures. I know, crazy, right? I still had my fair share of moments of wanting to strangle him, feeling outraged; truly infuriated that he would make this process so long.

                There was a book my mother gave me for Jonah called “The Circle Maker”. The basic concept of the book is learning to pray bold, unrelenting prayers. I began to pray with more boldness than I had ever experienced before. God would point me to verses, leading me to speak blessings over Jonah’s birthfather. Only through the Holy Spirit could I have done this.

                By the time July rolled around, Jonah’s birthfather had been given multiple opportunities to sign the consent, and every time refused. He eventually seemed to drop off the face of the earth, and we had come to the decision with our attorney to have his rights terminated in court. On the Monday after Independence Day, Jonah’s birthmother communicated with our agency letting them know that she had spoken with Jonah’s birthfather and he was ready to consent! After they met with him and he signed the papers, they called us to let us know. We were in shock at God’s provision, just as we had been when Jonah’s birthmother had changed her mind and chosen to place him with us.

              

                 We finalized our adoption September 16^th, and what a glorious day it was!  Since then we have enjoyed getting more information about Jonah’s family history and exchanging pictures with both of his birthparents. As incredibly difficult as our journey was, we have ended with the best possible outcome for Jonah. I am filled with joy every time I think about how God took such a miserable mess in both our lives and Jonah’s birthparents’ lives, and turned it into something beautiful and unique.

                I pray more than anything that the spiritual muscles I’ve gained in our journey will not grow weak sitting on the mountain top. We know God will need to provide a miracle for us to continue building our family, and I pray we will recall his faithfulness and believe again. We thank each and every one of you that prayed us through the most difficult times. We pray our story encourages others to believe for the impossible.

Living in amazement, Kristin