For most of our readers, you have known for quite some time that 10 days after we met a little boy in a hospital room and thought our hopes of raising him had been lost, we received a call from our agency letting us know his birth mother had changed her mind, signed the papers, and wanted us to have him!!!!! This is a picture of us driving to get him.
To say we were overwhelmed and shocked is an understatement. We had just spent the past week and a half mourning, convincing ourselves we were probably better off, and figuring out ways we could engage ourselves until the next opportunity came around. I was in the mindset of, "you aren't going to be a mom right now", and with one phone call was jarred into "there is a baby waiting for you to come and get him." Since that day a little less than five months ago, I've noticed how that dramatic shift has affected me. It's extremely different from what parents expecting a child naturally go through. It gives you the most amazing sense that you are living in a dream, or you were just awakened from the longest, darkest nightmare to find yourself living the life you thought might be impossible. There is really know way to put it into words perfectly, but it's something that will stay with me forever.
To also feel I profited from someone else's loss is much more intense than what I imagined it would be. We know we have helped Jonah's birth mom in the best way possible, but I always wish there was more I could do. She ultimately wanted less contact with us than what we had originally agreed to. The reality of it all finally hit her and she knew she couldn't do it. We will be sending her an update letter and photos a few times this first year, and twice a year until he turns 18. We had one last phone call the day we arrived at the agency to take him home, and I don't have a reason to believe we'll get to hear her voice again. This is a harder truth than many would think. It's even harder when you can tell your loved ones are relieved to learn this, while you are left feeling like you've lost a good friend. I dream sometimes that we get to speak again.
I wanted to share this side of things on the blog because it's the part most people want to ignore or forget. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that mine and Matt's days are filled with a type of joy we've never experienced before. I want to magnify the fact that this joy was given to us. Not just by God, but by a woman that we may never see again. Adoption is awesome, and it wouldn't be half as amazing without the bittersweet emotions. Remember that when you think of the loss God must have felt giving his Son for us. There is truly no better picture of salvation, in my humble opinion.
Our posts will probably continue to be less frequent than they once were because our days are now spent doing life with Jonah, and I'm okay with that! I've been so happy to hear our blog has been shared with others who are facing similar challenges when deciding to start a family. That was what originally inspired me to write, and what I continue to find community in. I pray that among the body of Christ we continue to find transparency and support no matter what our struggle, not the masks that so often are paraded.
For those of you that haven't seen pictures of our boy via social media, here he is today!
Living in bliss,
Kristin
Our posts will probably continue to be less frequent than they once were because our days are now spent doing life with Jonah, and I'm okay with that! I've been so happy to hear our blog has been shared with others who are facing similar challenges when deciding to start a family. That was what originally inspired me to write, and what I continue to find community in. I pray that among the body of Christ we continue to find transparency and support no matter what our struggle, not the masks that so often are paraded.
For those of you that haven't seen pictures of our boy via social media, here he is today!
Living in bliss,
Kristin
